“In a study of newlyweds, those who admitted the difficulties in their new situations were 1.5 times more comfortable with their partners than those who tried to hide the difficulties in facing changes." (Monteiro, 1991)
Human has an instinct to feel anxious when it comes to changes. It is a natural thing since it makes you stay alert. Do not expect to feel comfortable immediately after moving or being in a new situation. Give yourself a little time to adjust. If you learn how to relax and recognize familiar aspects, it will be easier to face new adventure you make in the future.
“In a study of 8000 adults, the researchers concluded more than 100 factors contributing to happiness. Among these factors, the greatest negative effect came from comparing personal failure in a relationship which then reduced happiness by 26%.” (Li, Young, Wei, Zhang, Zheng, Xiao, Wang, & Chen, 1998)
Philosophers and historians compared traditional and modern family life. They found the irony: now we are jealous of the traditional family for its integrity and stability, while 200 years ago traditional family members felt their individualism were overshadowed by the family - that they were not whole individuals, but merely a cog in the family engine.
It is better to enjoy our relationships with family/friends as it is, not to force them to reach artificial standard, nor to compare them with life and love of others. The key to life satisfaction is not by imitating what other people possess, but by building a support system which include a mutual take and give.
Thousands of people may come into your life but ones who stay are those who speak the same language as you. Many people talk to you but only a few can really answer to your language. I’m not talking about language literally as used by nations to communicate, but also the “language” personally spoken by your heart and mind. Maybe people need to be in the same intellectual level to be connected. Or perhaps they need to have similar background. I’m not sure.
What I know for sure, the ultimate language buddy for me is my twinnie. I can use all verbal and non-verbal languages and she never fails to get me. We discuss in Javanese, Indonesian, and English at home. She learns Korean, I learn Japanese, and we share it to one another. We grow creating codes and cues that make us laugh like two crazy biddies without anyone knows why. She understands me even if I don’t finish my sentence… and she even completes it.
I don’t know where else to find a very-much-alike person. It’s like mission impossible. For a simple instance, when I speak English which is not taught at school (maybe advanced grammar, idioms, or slang), people often misunderstand me. I often get corrected while I know for sure it was right. This tragedy won’t happen with my twinnie cause we know what each other knows and the similar 600s TOEFL score strengthen the understanding between us. XD
Dear Mbekayu.. since we came into this world together, I hope we can grow old the same way. Happy birthday. I love us. <3
“Nine out of ten Americans felt anxious about many aspects of the world and society. The difference between people who were happier and less happy is what they did to the discomfort. People who were less happy wallowed in the problems they saw, while happier people focused on potential future progress." (Garrett, 1996)
Many sad things are going on in the world; but let’s have hopes for the future. Think of the potential of the world. Perhaps the future will bring a cure for deadly disease, peace to war, food for hunger, and welfare to the poor.
“In a study of more than 13,000 people, 96% of the subjects rated their satisfaction towards ordinary life no higher than “fairly positive”. Satisfying life is not about those of extreme things but rather the stability and generally positive feeling." (Diener & Diener, 1995)
Your life includes some extraordinary events that you’re always going to remember. But the rest would be ordinary days. However, even in these ordinary days there can be opportunities and pleasure that slip off your memory and appreciation. Take a moment each day to think about the simple pleasure in your daily life.
“Many people experienced conflict of imbalance between working time and family time. The study found that those who wanted to spend more time in both places were decreasing their level of satisfaction. Those who realized that their time limit was a conflict without solution felt more comfortable with themselves than those who were not aware of it." (Caproni, 1997)
Some of us deal with conflict and disappointment as if it was Sisyphus’ boulder. We keep on pushing and pushing without realizing that it’s all meaningless. The beauty of the real world can be clearly seen when we recognize the immense stone as something created by our own thoughts and it will disappear as we stop pushing.
Just move on with your life. Problem that drain your time and energy is supposed to be something important and can be resolved. If it’s not, you should focus more on something else you can fix.
“Study on adults showed that tendency to be discipline, careful, and responsible gave positive effect as much as 18% for happiness." (Furnham & Cheng, 1997)
In the southwestern part of Florida, some engineers designed one of the largest bridge in America. They had to build it from both sides of the mainland towards the meeting point in the middle. When both ends of it had reached the middle, it turned out the two were separated by 0.60 meters vertically. Millions of dollars and thousands of working hours were wasted, the bridge was a failure.
Give attention to what you are doing, and do the best you can. Indeed, being careful is not easier than being careless, but we will feel better about ourselves when we do something good and right. When you succeed, it’s you who will enjoy the fruits of your hard work.
“When people consciously choose to remember events in the past, more than 80% tend to focus on the positive memories." (Hogstel & Curry, 1995)
We should not dwell in the past, but it’s okay to visit it for a moment. Bad experiences will give you lesson but good memories helps you to sip back the happiness when you recall it. Choose your top moments to lift you up when you feel down.
“No matter what they experienced, whether they had been the victims of crime or they knew someone who was a victim, those who really had faith to the world eventually maintained 13% higher level of life satisfaction.” (Lipkus, Dalbert, & Siegler, 1996)
Whether you believe in the justice of law or spiritual system, you should be aware that they who are guilty will eventually get punished and those who do benevolence will be rewarded. Even if good or evil can not be paid back right away by the pertinent person with whom you are dealing, the energy you send out will return to you someday somehow. It’s because nature is always trying to keep its equilibrium.